(I Don’t Need) Nun of Your Complaining

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Priest said, “Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so.”

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, “Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words.” Sister Mary Katherine said, “Hard bed.” “I'm sorry to hear that,” the Priest said, “we will get you a better bed.”

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was summoned by the Priest. “You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.” “Cold food,” said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine in to his office.
“You may say two words today.” “I quit,” said Sister Mary Katherine.

“It's probably best,” said the Priest, “You've done nothing but gripe and complain ever since you got here.”

Do you ever feel like Sister Mary Katherine? You’ve got your nose to the grind doing everything you are told to do, you don’t rock the boat and when given the chance to make improvements in your performance you tell management a couple of “tweaks” to make conditions more favorable.

What about if you have a Sister Mary Katherine working for you? Every time you see THAT person and ask them “how’s it going” they take it as an easy opportunity to unload on you about how you could make things so much better for them. Aren’t they just being selfish?

Whether you are a manager or an employee, the big boss or just a peon, dealing with people, personalities and work environments is tough. Take a moment and look at it from the other side. THAT person may not be trying to make the situation about them, but may genuinely be looking to improve productivity in the work place. And, if you are the one offering the suggestions, make sure you are pointing out the good along with the bad.

If you are still having trouble “Dealing with Difficult Employees”, put September 18^th on your calendar for a Chamber seminar by Glenn Shepard who will help you identify and implement ways of communicating better with your employees and teams!

#ReThink Mississippi

"The ultimate measure of a (leader) is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." 

~Martin Luther King Jr.

The difference between successful people and those who aren't often boils down to pure persistence. It’s the desire to not give up that makes good leaders ultimately successful at accomplishing their intended goals. Great leaders carry on, even in the face of adversity and critics.

Mississippi has a lot of critics, many who are not fans of this great “land mass”. As I am writing this, we just concluded our inaugural summit of the newly formed Mississippi Young Professionals. This is a state-wide association of professionals from all fields throughout the state of Mississippi. We had an amazing turnout at the summit. Over 300 people under the age of forty showed up to listen, learn and be involved.

YPs care about our state and are concerned about its future. The mission of MSYP is to help stop the brain drain that is leaving our state as we promote its unique assets and quality of life, as well as ample opportunities for growth, so that we can retain our best and brightest talent.

Mississippi needs us and we need you. It’s time that we stand up for our state. It’s time for us to tell our story and stop allowing others to write it for us. We need leaders who are willing to be committed to doing what is right and putting in the work to help us keep our talent at home. You don’t have to hold and office, own a business or be a public speaker. Each of us can be a marketer of Mississippi telling one story at a time.

Here is a story that I particularly like sharing with my leadership program participants. As they are growing and transforming in to leaders and developing their skills, they need to be reminded of how struggles build character and help develop better leaders – don’t we all need to be reminded that lesson. This particular story also says a lot about what it means to be a Mississippian.

Two frogs were playing in the swamp one day and decided to go exploring. They hopped off in the direction of an old farm where there were lots of fun things to explore. They came across a pail of milk and immediately jumped in it for a swim. However, they soon found themselves in danger as they tried to climb out. The sides of the pail turned out to be steeper and slicker than they had anticipated.

Both frogs continued to struggle to get out - kicking, squirming and swimming the best they could. Finally one frog just quit saying "this is way too hard, it is hopeless, I quit." Eventually that frog disappeared under the milk never to rise to the surface again. The other frog wasn't going to quit so easily and continued to kick, squirm and swim the best a frog could in that situation. Finally when the frog decided to stop he noticed that he wasn't sinking. With all of his churning, the milk had been turned into a big hunk of butter! As a result he simply climbed out of the pail.

You can never quit. You can never give up on your vision and you can't give up on those you lead. As Mississippians, we are already starting in that pail. The perceptions of our past and of our people have put us at a slanted disadvantage. We may not have it all figured out, but we have to keep kicking, keep squirming and keep swimming until we get out of that pail.

Mississippi is at the bottom of a lot of lists (and a lot of pails) but the pride for our state is growing. Industry is taking notice of Mississippi. Healthcare professionals are noticing Mississippi. Our creative economy is growing through movies, books, artists and world class entertainers. Stories of hope during times of tragedy and disaster continue to help people realize the grace of a place like Mississippi. The world is watching Mississippi. Now is the time to tell our story and let us tell others why we call Mississippi home.

You can help. You can be our cheerleaders and it’s probably a lot simpler than you think. Craft your own story of why Mississippi is so great and tell everyone you know about why living in Mississippi and living in Jones County is better than living anywhere else in the world! We can do it. We can change the perception of Mississippi, but it can’t be done without you sharing your message.

http://www.msyoungprof.org

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* This article was originally printed in the Sunday, April 28, 2013 issue
 of The Chronicle's "Planting Seeds" column.

It Is Well with My Soul

He lost his only son in 1871 at the age of four. The Great Chicago Fire shortly followed which financially ruined his successful law practice and decimated his significant property investments. His business interests were further devastated by the economic downturn of 1873. He had planned to travel to Europe with his family on the SS Ville du Havre, but in a late change of plan, he sent the family ahead while he was delayed on business concerning zoning problems following the Great Chicago Fire.


Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

While crossing the Atlantic, the ship sank rapidly after a collision with another ship. All four of his daughters died. His wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, "Saved alone . . .” Shortly afterwards, as Ho­ra­tio G. Spaf­ford traveled to meet his grieving wife, he was inspired to write these words as his ship passed near where his daughters had died.

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;

We’ve all had bad days. We’ve all had hard times that felt like they would last for months, possibly even years. How many of us in the span of three years after seeing the joys of our only son (or daughter) born and losing them suddenly; after having our businesses take off and we experience the joy that we had “finally made it”, only to lose it all; and then to be further devastated with the loss of our other children would have the fortitude to be able to muster the words, “It is well with my soul”?

It takes great courage. Whether you are religious or not; whether you believe Jesus Christ died for the sins of mankind or you believe in some other deity, it takes a lot to look at a bad situation, a perilous situation and be able to revel in the knowledge that there is a plan in all of this. It’s not just a scenario of coincidences; there is a purpose to your life and you must carry it forward.

I am not going to use this column to try to convert you to the ways of Christianity (I’ll do that off line if you like). What I want us to realize as a community is that we have people around us hurting every day.

Many of us know each other well enough. We know each other’s kids. We know each other’s habits. We know when our friends and business colleagues are having a bad day. We know when they are going through a tough time.

What about those that we don’t know? What about the gas station attendant who is slow to ring up our total? What about the fast food worker who can’t seem to take our order right? What about the bank teller who is slow to count our paycheck? How are they hurting?

More importantly, what can you or I do to make their day a little brighter? Why does it always have to be about me? Why can’t for a moment it be about them?  There are two quotes I am reminded of by two notable women I would like to share with you, the first is by Mary Anne Evans, an English novelist and one of the leading writers of the Victorian era, she was better known by her pen name George Eliot. She penned the words, “What do we live for if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?” The second is from Mother Teresa, who stated, “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless”.

How beautiful. How simple. How true. It only takes a kind word or a simple smile in times of turmoil and strife to give someone hope. Be that hope for someone. Be that beam of light through the dark clouds.

I encourage you to use your skills, your talents, and your words to help others. It can be in a small way or it can be a bold outright act of service to others. However you choose to help, I guarantee you will get as much or more out of the act of giving than others will from receiving your wisdom. Be someone’s hope and together our community will grow to reach its full potential.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,

Sources consulted: Wikipedia.org - ItIs Well with My Soul; Wikipedia.org - George Eliot; Cyberhymnal.org – It IsWell With My Soul; Leadership Through The Ages: a Collection of Favorite Quotations 

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* This article was originally printed in the Sunday, March 17, 2013 issue

of The Chronicle's"Planting Seeds" column.

Customer Service from a “Quack”

A business man was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a Yellow Cab pulled up, the first thing the business man noticed was the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door.

The cab driver handed the business man a laminated card and said: I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement.' Taken aback, the business man read the card. It said: Wally's Mission Statement: To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment.

This blew the business man away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean! As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, ‘Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.' The business man said jokingly, 'No, I'd prefer a soft drink.' Wally smiled and said, 'No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water and orange juice.' Almost stuttering, the business man said, 'I'll take a Diet Coke.' Handing him his drink, Wally said, 'If you'd like something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today.'

As they were pulling away, Wally handed the business man another laminated card, 'These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio.' And as if that weren't enough, Wally told the business man that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised the business man of the best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if he preferred, to leave him with his own thoughts.

'Tell me, Wally,' the amazed business man friend asked the driver, 'have you always served customers like this?' Wally smiled into the rear view mirror, 'No, not always. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio one day. He had just written a book called You'll See It When You Believe It. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, 'Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd’.

‘That hit me right between the eyes,' said Wally. 'Dyer was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy.

So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.'' I take it that has paid off for you,' the business man said. 'It sure has,' Wally replied. 'My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action.'

Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. The person telling this story has probably shared this story with more than fifty cab drivers over the years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever he goes to their cities, he gives them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and told him all the reasons why they couldn't do any of what he suggested. Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like a duck and start soaring like an eagle.

 How about us? Do we quack or do we soar?

It has been said that a man reaps what he sows. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up...let us do good to all people. That sounds like good advice to me. I’m sure if we all “quacked” a little less, and soared a little more, we’d all be better off and our community would be better because of it.

Thanks to Sandy (Holifield) for sharing this story with me and I think it fits perfectly with what we as community leaders and business leaders face when looking as how we need to serve our customers better.

What Are You Doin’ Daddy?

“We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won't need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don't fire cannons to call attention to their shining- they just shine. “

~ Dwight L. Moody

I don’t think there is much else that will strain your control as a parent like potty training your child. Our son is almost three and a half. He was doing so well at Christmas that we thought for sure he would soon be out of diapers and in big kid underwear. Somewhere along the break he lost his confidence. We are now helping him get back on track.

The other morning my wife and I decided he was making progress. He could handle wearing big kid underwear before school and he would do fine. BIG mistake. We learn from our mistakes just like he does.

Rebekah got Ethan all ready and rushed out the door. I only had to take the trash out and feed the dog. Five minutes tops. Ethan was playing on the floor with my iPad as I scrambled to get the trash together.

When I was done running from room to room I noticed him standing in the living room with a large wet spot on his pants. Dadgummit. “Okay buddy, let’s get you changed.” I got him changed, cleaned up and all was right with the world again.

“Running behind now; here is the iPad. You sit here and I’ll be right back.” I rushed the trash out to the curb and grabbed the dog food. Dog is fed, trash is out, I've got my keys, and we’re good to go.

I rounded the corner to the living room. There’s Ethan standing in the middle of the living room with a large wet spot on his pants. Not again?!

“Okay buddy, here we go; double time now. We’re running way behind so we have to get going.” Got him changed and cleaned up once more. Dog is fed, trash is out, I’ve got my keys, let’s get in the car and go.

“Where is my shoe Daddy?” “Um, here it is. Let’s get that on and get in the car.”

“Where is my jacket Daddy?” “Um, it’s in the closet. Let’s go get your jacket and go.” “Don’t want that one Daddy. It’s cold.” “No buddy, it’s not cold. It’s raining.” “Raining? Not cold?” “No buddy, it’s not cold it’s raining. Let’s put this on and get in the car.”“Okay Daddy”.

“Daddy, I want some water”“No buddy, we can’t have water right now we have to go to the Tee Pee” (his daycare)“Yay! Da Tee Pee!”

We slowly meander our way to the car making sure to point to every toy on the way and touch every item in the garage. I got him buckled in, gave him a kiss and told him I loved him.

“I want sunglasses”“Are you sure buddy? It’s raining.”“I want sunglasses”“Okay buddy, here you go.”

“Daddy, what are you doin’?”“I’m driving.”

“Daddy, what are you doin’?”“I’m driving.”

“Daddy, whatareyoudoin’?!”“I am taking you to the Tee Pee!”

“Daddywhatareyoudoin’?!!!“I’M DRIVING YOU TO THE TEE PEE!!!”

It was about at this point that I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to scream, but all I could do was laugh. I couldn’t be mad at him because he simply wanted to know what I was doing. He wanted my attention. He wanted to know that I was engaged and involved in what he was doing. He wanted to interact with me. He wanted to be a part of something with his daddy.

Isn’t that what we are all looking for? Don’t we all want to be engaged with others and have them interested in us and what we are doing? Even those of us who prefer to be more isolated and self-dependent like it when people are interested in what we are doing; we want to know that the work we do means something to someone other than ourselves. We want others to be proud of us. The pride and interest from others in us, makes us feel good about ourselves. We want to be valued.

I recently heard a pastor use a comical illustration of how he too once made his father proud of him when he was a child.

His father gave him a brand new dollar bill because he was such a good boy. Being the good son he was, he wanted to impress his daddy with his financial skills so he traded his dollar bill for two shiny quarters, because everyone knows two is better than one. Johnny came along and traded him three dimes for his two quarters, but it was Johnny’s loss because everyone knows three is better than two. Then he ran in to Bill and Bill wanted him to trade four nickels for three dimes. It was an offer he couldn’t refuse, because everyone knows four is better than three. And finally Sally came and traded him five pennies for his four nickels, but he wanted to teach her a lesson in finances, because everyone knows five is better than four.  At the end of the day my preacher friend told his daddy of the great financial success he had had and how he had changed his one little dollar in to five shiny pennies.

The boy’s dad was so proud of him all he could do is turn red in the face with pride… he couldn’t say a word… he just walked away speechless shaking his head. His father may not have told my preacher friend how proud of him he was that day, but my friend just knew.

Whether you are making great strides in your financial decisions, struggling with potty training your children or having a difficult season running your business to its full potential, take a break and smile. Even in the worst situations there is always hope. There is always a reason to smile and there is always a lesson to be learned.

Take a moment, look at those around you and ask them what they are doin’. You might just be surprised by the answer, and they will be glad you showed interest.

I am sure if we all take a little more time to be interested in the works of others, our own works will be noticed and our community will be better because of it.

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* This article was originally printed in the Sunday, February 3, 2013 issue

of The Chronicle's"Planting Seeds" column.

Paid In Full

“If you have only one smile in you give, give it to the people you love.” 

~ Maya Angelou

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”

~ Charles M. Schulz

One day a little boy found his mother in the kitchen fixing dinner and slipped her a piece of paper. She dried her hands on her apron, and took a minute to read it. This is what it said:

For mowing the lawn: $2.00
For cleaning my room this week: $2.00 For going to the store for you: $1.00 Baby-sitting my brother while you were out: $2.00 Emptying the Garbage: $1.00 For getting good grades on my report card: $5.00 For raking the yard and picking it up: $2.00Total owed: $15.00
For every night I stayed up with you when you were upset or sick, held you and prayed for you: No Charge
For all the difficult times and my tears: No Charge
For all the nights I worried about your future and what was ahead: No Charge
For your shelter, food, clothing, toys and even wiping your nose: No Charge

When the mother was finished reading the note, she stood there and looked at him. He could see memories of these events flashing through her mind. She picked up a pen and pad of paper and wrote the following:

For the nine months I carried you while you were growing inside of me: No Charge

She said, "Son, when I add up all of the cost, my love for you is No Charge."

After the boy finished reading his mother's note, big tears welled up in his eyes. He looked straight at his mother and said. "Mom, I sure do love you." The son then took the pen and his mother's note and wrote in big words, "PAID IN FULL."

“PAID IN FULL” aren’t those the greatest words? Don’t we all strive to hear that our debts are paid in full? Sometimes we may act like the little boy and only think of the things that WE give in our relationships and in our businesses. We are so concerned in our lives with what WE are doing and what WE are getting and often don’t think of the sacrifices others make for us so that we may be happy and succeed in life.

There is nothing greater than a mother’s love; and nothing greater than unconditional love from a family member or true friend. I hope you have these types of relationships in your life. I hope you are richer than you could ever imagine and I hope you aren’t keeping “score” of what you are doing for others but rather I hope you are making note of what others have done for you so that you can give someone the peace and joy of knowing their bill has been “PAID IN FULL”.

As Valentines approaches, I hope you will be able to embrace the true spirit of Valentine’s Day, not gorging yourself with chocolate and roses but bringing happiness and hope to others. Valentine’s Day is often thought of as a day to celebrate love between two people. More importantly than that, it is a day to celebrate love for your fellow man. We all know someone who needs to feel the warmth and love of a friend. Be that friend. Tell someone you care about them. Tell someone you are thinking of them and give them a reason to know that their debts have been “Paid in Full”. If you do, you will be much richer than any bill you can issue and I know our community will be better because of it.

P.S. – If you haven’t done so, now is a great time to go out and shop with our local retailers to pick up those last minute Valentines. Don’t say I didn’t warn you if you forget!

Stop Eating Sugar

“Good resolutions are like babies crying in church. They should be carried out immediately.” 

~ Charles M. Sheldon

Happy New Year! I hope 2013 has started off on the right foot for you. I am sure by now many of you are well on your way to completing your first month of holding fast to your New Year’s resolution. Others of you are thinking you’ve only missed a hand full of days and you still have time to get back on track and keep your resolution throughout the rest of the year. Still, others of you have already given up on making a “major” change in your lives and resorted back to the same ole, same ole.

I am not one to make resolutions. I never keep them. I also have never been a fan of making a new “plan” each year that will only last 365 days. If I want to make a change, I want it to last much, much longer.

I am not sure where I picked up the notion, but I have always regarded the word and idea of a resolution as being permanent. Just as the founding fathers “resolved” to form a new union, a new order and a new America; to me, a resolution should be a change that will stand the test of time.

Dictionary.com defines a resolution as, “theactofresolvingordetermininguponanactionorcourseofaction,method,procedure,etc.” It’s a plan of action that should take a long time. It should be a principle for the duration of your course. It’s not just something you say, it is something you DO. It is something that has meaning and compels you to make a permanent change.

According to Wikipedia, people have been making resolutions at the beginning of the New Year almost since the dawn of time.

The ancient Babylonians made promises to their gods at the start of each year that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts.

The Romans began each year by making promises to the god Janus, for whom the month of January is named.

In the Medieval era, the knights took the "peacock vow" (a pledge of nine historical, scriptural and legendary personages to personify the ideals of chivalry) at the end of the Christmas season each year.

Many Christians attended “watch nightservices”, (a late New Year’s Eve church service which was an opportunity for Christians to review the year that had passed and make confession, and then prepare for the year ahead by praying and resolving with resolutions).

There are other religious parallels to this tradition. During Judaism's New Year, Rosh Hashanah, through the High Holidays and culminating in Yom Kippur, one is to reflect upon one's wrongdoings over the year and both seek and offer forgiveness.

People may act similarly during the Catholic fasting period of Lent, though the motive behind this holiday is more of sacrifice than of responsibility, in fact the practice of New Year's resolutions partially came from the Lenten sacrifices. The concept, regardless of creed, is to reflect upon improvement annually.

I am all for self-improvement, but I think it should be a result of mental and emotional reflection, not just because a giant crystal ball dropped in New York (or a Moon Pie, Catfish, or what have you).

As I have been thinking of New Year’s resolutions, I am reminded of a story I once heard about a great leader, Mahatma Gandhi. Not only was he a great leader because of what he said, he was a great leader because of what he did. His actions followed his words.

The story goes something like this:

In the 1930's there was a young boy who had become addicted to and obsessed with eating sugar. His mother decided to get help and took the long and hot journey with her son walking many miles and hours under the scorching sun. 

She finally reached Gandhi and asked him to tell her son to stop eating sugar; it wasn't good for his health. Gandhi replied, "I cannot tell him that. But you may bring him back in a few weeks and then I will talk to him." The mother was confused and upset and took the boy home.

Two weeks later she came back. This time Gandhi looked directly at the boy and said "Boy, you should stop eating sugar. It is not good for your health." The boy nodded his head and promised he wouldn't. The boy’s mother was puzzled. She asked "Why didn't you tell him that two weeks ago when I brought him here to see you?"

Gandhi smiled and said "Mother, two weeks ago I was eating a lot of sugar myself."

This isn’t exactly a New Year’s resolution, but the point is the same. Gandhi knew his own action of eating a lot of sugar was bad for his health. But, he couldn’t just tell the boy to resolve to do better. Gandhi knew that he too had to make the life-changing decision to change his own habits so that what he said would be of more merit because of his actions.

How closely does what you say as a leader in our community align with what you do? Have you resolved to do something you don’t think you can follow through? Are others watching with anticipation to see if you drop your New Year’s resolution so that they too can drop theirs? What about members of your family, your church or you civic club?

My hope for Jones County in 2013 is that we all eat a little less, exercise more, stop drinking and smoking so much, save some money, do kind deeds, spend more time with our friends and families and get better organized; through all of these resolutions and the host of others that I am certain you will all keep, I pray that our community will be better because of it.

May we all be better leaders as we lead by example this coming year. 

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* This article was originally printed in the Sunday, January 13, 2013 issue
 of The Chronicle's "Planting Seeds" column.