Seek First To Understand

“Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.”

~ Anonymous

Earlier this week I was graciously invited to attend lunch and present to the Ellisville Lions Club. I always enjoy getting out and meeting with our civic clubs and reminding them of all the wonderful things happening in our community. (Shameless plug, I'm available if you need someone to speak for your civic club.) I love to hear it when they say, "Wow! I had no idea we had that much going for us".

As I was preparing to give my usual updates of business openings, upcoming events and reports of how our leadership programs and other initiatives are doing, I ran across a leadership story that I had once read. It is a story I use sometimes with our leadership programs to help them remember it is better to take a moment and understand the whole situation before offering solutions; something we all need to be reminded of from time to time.

(As I told the Lions, I hope you all can get the meaning of the message, but hope none of you can truly relate.)The story goes something like this:

One day a little old and very cute couple walked into the local fast food restaurant. The little old man went up to the counter and ordered their food. He brought back to the table a hamburger, a small amount of fries and a drink.

Carefully he sliced the hamburger in two and then neatly divided the fries into two small piles. He sipped the drink and then passed it to his wife. She took a sip and passed it back.

A younger man at a nearby table observed this couple and began to feel sorry for them. He offered to buy them another meal, but the old man respectfully declined saying that they were used to sharing everything.

The old man began to eat his food while his wife sat still, not eating. The young man continued to watch the old couple feeling there was something he should be doing to help. As the old man finished his half of the burger and fries, the old lady still had not started eating hers.

The young man couldn't take it anymore. He asked, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating?" The old lady looked up and politely said, pointing to the old man, "I'm waiting on the teeth."

I hope you're not waiting on your teeth! You might have the same initial reaction my wife did when I shared this story with her. She laughed and then with a disgusted look on her face said, "Eww, Gross!"

How many times are things not as they appear? Sometimes we are eager to help. We want to help people when they are hurting. We want to do good for others. Sometimes we have to understand what the whole situation is before we do anything. Sometimes, no matter how effective our solution, if the people we are helping don't have their teeth, our help is no good to them.

I urge you to help others. I encourage you, as we enter this time of Thanksgiving and season of joyful giving, that you reach out to those in need. Give and rejoice freely. Give with a generous heart, but realize that you must seek to understand other's situation before you can effectively help them change their situation.

However you give back this holiday season and into the New Year do so with understanding and love. If you do, I know our community will be better off because of it!

Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving filled with friends, family and loved ones as you travel over the river and through the woods!

Larkin

This story is from Mike Rogers at teamworkandleadership

Choosing a Path

“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.”

~ Henry David Thoreau

It’s dark at 5 am. It’s even darker at 5 am in November in the Mississippi Pine Belt. Surrounded by pine trees, the orange hazy glow of street lights play peek-a-boo between the pine needles as the chilly breeze whispers over the hills. Homes are dark. Their tenants and children clinging to sleep trying to liberate the last ounce of dream from their slumber before the day greets them.

I like to walk at 5am. It’s quiet. It’s serene. It’s peaceful. It’s just me and the deer and the road. There are no cars. There is an occasional opossum or barking dog. Those encounters are few and far between. Everyone and everything is hunkered down lost in sleep.

This time of year Summer refuses to release its choking grip on the South as the northern winds infiltrate the overnight hours bringing refreshing cooler air. As the seasons change we get more and more fog at 5am. The other morning as I was walking, I was quickly and without warning enveloped in a thick fog. The fog was so thick I could no longer see the orange glow of the street lights as I passed them.

My visibility was such that I could only see my feet touching the path I was on. I was operating more by touch and memory than by relying on my sight.I thought about stopping my workout, but I didn’t want to let the elements get the best of me. I didn’t want to have an excuse. I wanted to achieve what I had set out to do.

This got me thinking about how we live our lives and how we operate in business. It would have been very easy for me to call my workout off at that moment. I could have said it was too dangerous. The conditions were not right. The benefit did not outweigh the risk. I am sure I could have come up with many excuses (which might have been valid) of why I should not continue down the path toward the goal I had set.

I am sure many of you have been in a scenario similar in business. Things are bumping along like usual, the challenges aren’t difficult but they aren’t easy either.All of a sudden the game changes. You can’t see your way forward. Do you keep pressing on knowing the path is beneath your feet? Do you turn back to what is comfortable and safe?

I am glad I chose to move forward. It was difficult. It was a challenge. It was also a very peaceful and liberating experience. My reward was much greater than when I initially started my workout with full visibility.

I had to trust my instinct. I had to know my path. I had to rely on what I have done many times before to get me safely back home to accomplish my goal.

My path was set out before I took the first step. I knew where I was going before I left the house. I have followed my route many times before. I could most probably do it blindfolded.

What if I had chosen to take a different path that morning? What if I had decided to walk through the woods instead of along the road? Would I have made the same decision? I don’t know.

Do you follow a path that is well known and well-worn or do you have an entrepreneurial spirit? Do you blaze your own path leaving it for others to follow in your footsteps?

As Robert Frost so eloquently stated in his poem The Road Not Taken, “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood/And sorry I could not travel both, And be one traveler”. Many times in our lives we will be faced with three options; follow the well-known path, create a new path, or doing nothing. Whichever you choose, doing nothing is usually never the best option. There are really only two choices: do something or do nothing.

Whichever path leads you on your journey to success, whether familiar and well-worn or a road less traveled, here’s to you finding your path, taking that first step, and never turning back. I know our community will be better off simply because you put one foot in front of the other.

---

* This article was originally printed in the Sunday, November 11, 2012 issue

of The Chronicle's"Planting Seeds" column.

We Make a Life by What We Give

"We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”

~ Sir Winston Churchill

When I was a boy growing up, I would spend almost every weekend with my grandparents in Rosedale. My sister would too (before she got too old for such things). My grandparents lived about 20 miles away. They would pick me up on Fridays from school and I would stay over until daddy came on Saturday to work on whatever project my mother had schemed up or whatever my grandfather was building at the time.

I used to love going to D & Daddy Simp’s (my grandparents). I especially loved to be there during this time of year. Sometime between October and November my grandparents would get in the big J. C. Penny Christmas Catalog. I remember it being huge! We would sit and comb through it page by page marking everything we ever wanted. Toys, games, bikes, (dolls, dresses and girl stuff for my sister) it was great and a memory I will always cherish.

We no longer have that big catalog. We now get year round weekly flyers about every sale and made up “holiday” or event there is. I get tired of those things filling my mailbox. Rarely do I look at them before throwing them out. But Christmas is different. Perhaps it’s because of the time spent on the floor of my grandparents’ house in front of the fire wishing and dreaming of all that could be. Perhaps it’s something else. Whatever the cause; I will typically thumb through several “Christmas” catalogs and flyers.

Rebekah received the Restoration Hardware “Holiday Source Book” the other day. (I will admit I am a fan of Restoration Hardware and desire to have a house full of their furniture and accessories, but alas I have neither the money nor the floor space for everything Rebekah and I want.)

That being said, I was immediately struck by the Chairman’s message on the first page of the catalog. I have included it in its entirety below, as well as the quote from Churchill that started this message.

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”

~ Sir Winston Churchill

“Independent and rebellious with a poor academic record, a noted statesman and orator despite a speech impediment, a well regarded historian, writer and artist, Sir Winston Churchill was arguably one of the most influential business leaders of the last century. He was the only British prime minister to have received the Nobel Prize in Literature, and the first person to be made an Honorary Citizen of the United States.

His quote above defined his view of life. For over 70 years he served, led and fought for his country. His steadfast refusal to consider defeat, surrender or compromise, and his carefully chosen words delivered in speeches and radio broadcasts helped inspire British resistance when standing alone in their active opposition to Adolf Hitler. He gave people hope, inspiration and courage, priceless gifts during difficult times.

Let us also be inspired by Churchill’s words. This holiday season as we consider what to give, let us be reminded that the gift of words, written, spoken, or broadcast; words of appreciation or admiration, affection, respect, gratitude, forgiveness and love can fill an empty heart and ignite the human spirit.

Many of us find ourselves stressed when we consider what to ‘get’ for those we care about during the holidays, when all that really matters is that we ‘give’ something of ourselves.

We’ve worked all year to make a living. Here’s to a season of making a life.

Wishing you and yours love and light this season of giving.

Carpe diem,

Guy Friedman

Chairman Emeritus, Creator & Curator
Restoration Hardware”

I applaud Guy Friedman and Restoration Hardware on their message and I agree with his sentiments on two main points. The first that it is not about what you get. It is about what you give. As this Christmas season approaches, think about how you can give to others; give your words of encouragement and inspiration, give your time, and give your support. Encourage someone. Challenge someone. Mentor someone. Be involved with the lives and success of others. I guarantee you will get more than you give.

The second thing I am a firm believer in is the power of words. Words can cut down but words can also encourage. Make sure that what you are saying (and what you are not saying) is in a positive light for the benefit of others. Even if you have to give someone constructive criticism, do so to the benefit and success of the other person. Make sure your words are enriching and not tearing down.

I know it is a little early for a Christmas message, but as we prepare for all the blessings of this CHRISTmas season and season of Thanksgiving, let us be thankful for those in our lives and those opportunities we have to give and bless others. Let’s make an effort not only now and through the end of the year, but also into 2013 to constantly use our words to encourage and build up those around us.

If you agree to take on this challenge, you will receive over and over so much more than you ever give and our community will be better because of it.

Let me be the first to wish you and your families a Happy Thanksgiving, a Merry CHRISTmas and a lifetime full of joy and blessing!

Larkin